Do you need a doula if your partner receives birth partner training?
Here at HelloBirth, we are certainly in favor of a strong support system. In an ideal scenario, that almost always includes a doula. We believe in high-quality training and support for doulas and we believe everyone deserves access to a doula.
A doula is a specially trained and/or experienced supporter. There are benefits to that person being a non-family member. This is because your family members have a unique role to play that only they can fulfill. They will have their own experiences when you give birth, including a range of emotions, responses and reactions. All of this is normal human behavior, but it doesn't always leave a lot of room for fulfilling a doula's important roles of advocacy and birth companionship.
Will your life companion automatically become your birth companion? Assuming you invite them to your birth, they certainly will. However birth companion in the sense of a doula's work is different. This means they know how to track your birthing process in a way that can be difficult for people who don't attend births frequently or who don't have much (or any) experience with it.
So if your doula is new to the field, your partner may be expected to take more detailed notes in childbirth class than they would have if you've hired a very experienced doula. Your newbie doula can still be a huge asset. (More on this in a bit.) But an experienced doula is skilled in how to be responsible to your needs based on how far along you are in the birthing process and will offer tailored suggestions as you go along. It will be really helpful if your partner has learned some of those techniques and options too, and has a basic understanding of how the process of birth may unfold, but if another person on your team is your go-to resource, and responds in the moment to your specific situation, it's definitely a huge help!
Won't my doctor, nurse or midwife answer all my questions?
If you have questions about your clinical care or what's happening medically with you or your baby, then your doctor, midwife or nurse will be the right person to ask. Your doula can actually help facilitate those conversations by explaining things in a different way, without the jargon. They can also help by validating the feelings you might have about what's being said and will help you decide which follow-up questions to ask. A doula and a doctor each has a different skill set. Even though the very best doctors are natural communicators, they may still have their blind spots. The advantage of having a doula is that they've taken the time to get to know you during pregnancy and they may notice things, such as your mental state or subtle bodily changes or feelings, that would otherwise go unnoticed.
What if I can't afford a doula? Will my spouse be able to handle it?
If you enroll in a comprehensive birthing class, you'll certainly have a leg up. (No pun intended! Ha!) And if you don't get the pun, nudge nudge, maybe you ought to sign up for birthing class! Your partner will learn and practice specific skills designed to support each phase of your birthing process. But it's a lot of knowledge to take in at one time.
Here are a few ways you might be able to pay for your doula:
- Check with your employer to see if there are any benefits that include doula coverage.
- Check to see if you can use a Health Savings Account to pay.
- If you are a Medicaid patient, your state might also include a doula benefit. Although this would limit your choices as not all doulas are credentialed through their state, it would still be a great way to strengthen your support system.
- Ask your doula if they can provide you with an invoice (also known as a "superbill") that includes some details like an National Provider Identifier (NPI) number and special insurance codes describing the service. You can then submit this to your insurance company for potential reimbursement.
What if I'm a private person? I want my birth to be family only.
First of all, we validate your instinct to seek privacy during your birth. It's one of the most basic human instincts for birth-givers: a need to feel safe and protected, allowing them to draw within themselves and focus on their breath. For some people, that might take shape as a preference for being alone.
If you're planning to hire a medical care provider to attend your birth in your home, you might feel like this person and your baby's other parent (perhaps siblings, too) are the only ones you want present for your birth.
Here are a few reasons you might decide to work with a doula even if your instinct is telling you to keep birth team members to a minimum:
- If you are planning to give birth in a hospital, the birth doula will actually help to protect your space from unnecessary people, if you need that support. For instance, your doula can talk with your nurse about how your labor is going and whether a shower or a cat nap would be beneficial before a conversation about the next cervical check.
- If you have children already, they would benefit from a designated support person just for them, so that you and your spouse can focus on just the birth of your new baby. There are doulas who offer "sibling doula" services, so that might be something you go for.
- Occasionally, transferring to a hospital is necessary to save the life of the baby (somewhat rare) or the mother (rare), or for another reason such as exhaustion due to a very long labor (most common reason for transfer) or a developing complication or complexity (somewhat common).
- In those cases, midwives are not always able or equipped to go with their patients and morph into a doula. So having a doula designated as your support person and having discussions with them prenatally as to the details of a smooth hospital transfer plan goes a long way in helping a tricky situation to be a lot less stressful and a lot more supported.
One last point—doulas are trained to respect your space and will give you all the space you need if you request it. Many doulas will be so in tune with your needs that they will respond by giving space without you having to ask and until their presence is really needed.
I'm concerned my partner will be uninvolved if I have a doula.
It's actually part of a doula's job to involve the partner and to work as a team with them. Two heads are definitely better than one when it comes to both communication in support of your experience and physical stamina to support the entire birth from start to finish. Both the dad / partner and the doula will need to take breaks.
What if my doula is inexperienced?
Sometimes doulas who've recently completed training are already very confident and capable to support you. Other new doulas may need a little time and experience before they can fully take the lead in this role. If you are working with a newer doula, we suggest taking a little extra time and care to communicate exactly what you want and need for your birth. For example, make a list of the things you typically find most comforting when recovering from a sickness or injury. This will be a really insightful exercise in determining what forms of comfort you will want during birth.
When should my doula join me during labor?
It will be really helpful for you and your doula to get clear on your expectations for when they will join you during the labor process.
In general:
- It's best if you and your partner stay home alone together during the early labor process, so long as all is well with you and your baby, especially if this is your first baby and you are not being induced.
- Early labor is usually defined as infrequent contractions occurring approximately every 8-10 minutes (or no discernable pattern).
- Early labor contractions will typically slow down or stop when you lie down to rest or take a relaxing bath. Or, they will slow down or stop when you get up to walk after you've been lying down for awhile.
- It's best if you plan to arrive at your hospital or birth center (or call your midwife and your doula to come join you at home) around the time your contractions begin progressing. Or in some cases your doula might arrive a little bit ahead of your midwife (or vice versa).
- Progressing contractions are usually occurring approximately every 3-4 minutes in a strong, consistent pattern.
- Progressing contractions will NOT typically slow down or stop when you lie down to rest or take a relaxing bath. They will not typically slow down or stop when you get up to walk, either. They should stay in a strong, consistent pattern.
Doulas generally provide phone (or video chat) and text support during the early labor stage and join you at the point your contractions begin progressing. Every birth is unique, so be sure to stay in close communication with your doula regardless. If you feel you need your birth team's support at any point, be sure to honor that by calling them. But also be careful not to fall into the "watched pot trap," meaning that your team's presence may cause you to "start your labor clock" when you actually should be resting in your own bed and getting ready for the work ahead.
Summary
In conclusion, doulas are a huge asset when it comes to building your birthing team. So while you don't need a doula if your partner receives birth partner training, we are sure that you will benefit from one! Their role is to:
- Protect your physical space and your emotional wellbeing
- Track your birthing process
- Safeguard your birthing wishes
- Work as a team with your primary partner for your comfort needs
- Work as a team with your medical care provider to make sure you have enough information
- Help manage the timing of your birthing process by joining you in person at an optimal time
So what do you think? Will you hire a doula to support both you and your partner?