avoiding toxic positivity hypnobirthing

Avoiding toxic positivity in hypnobirthing

By HelloBirth
Preparing for birth with realism & optimism

We're big fans of hypnosis for birth! It's one of the very few reliable forms of learning real skills for decreasing discomfort in childbirth. However there's one big problem within the field of hypnobirthing: toxic positivity. The idea that if you just think enough about the birth you want, it will happen. And that if you just learn to relax well enough, you won't have any pain during childbirth.

At HelloBirth, we support a subtle yet powerful change towards the philosophy of pragmatic positivity.

Pragmatic positivity begins with the facts.

The fact is, birthing a baby and bringing that baby home to care for are experiences that represent many different feelings to many people. At times it's intense, at times it's challenging, at times it carries some risk. At times it is also amazing, empowering, joyful, healthy and safe. In all ways possible it is certainly life-changing. The HelloBirth approach focuses on helping you learn skills that can be applied within many different experiences.

The optimist and the pessimist

Negative thoughts are actually an important part of mental health. When we practice holding our anxious thoughts alongside hope and optimism, our fears and worries become our teachers in that they move us toward action. Many thanks to hypnotherapist Karen Zamperini of Aligned for Birth for contributing her thoughts on this topic:

"Thinking positively is actually thinking more realistically.

"For example, negative ruminations about being hit by a car are unhelpful, but you also wouldn't walk into traffic without looking, just thinking positively that you won't get hit. Look both ways and use a cross walk. That practice does keep you safer, whereas fantasies about getting hit by a car do not. So when you have a negative thought, ask yourself: 'Is there information about the negative thought that can be helpful? Is there something I can do about it?' If so, do it!
If not, choose to let the thought go. You can actually begin to fantasize in a positive direction which makes the body feel good. Some people may not want to do either of these things, and that is OK. You can also just simply ask yourself: is this true? Is it happening right now? If not, you can come back to it later. Some people have success with the Thought Stopping technique: imagine destroying the thought in some way... launching it in a sling shot, pushing a detanator button, or whatever you want."
To carry the traffic analogy over to the pregnancy, birthing and parenting experience, if you spend a lot of time listening to negative, scary stories about birth during your pregnancy, it isn't going to help you. Listening to positive, encouraging stories does help you, but that should also be combined with both information and activities designed to keep you and your baby as safe and healthy as possible. Yes, pregnancy and birth do carry some risk, but thankfully we have some control over mitigating the risk.

In HelloBirth classes, we teach a simple form of mindfulness to put a framework around these ideas.

  • Most people who practice these simple ideas in daily life find them very helpful.
  • If you don't find them helpful, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just not your cup of tea and there are other types of techniques to try that would probably work better for you. HelloBirth classes provide choices and options and we always recommend seeking the support of a mental health professional if you're having any trouble with the techniques taught in a HelloBirth class (or any other birth class).

HelloBirth brings you:

  • Practical, effective hypnosis-based tools. They're not simply meditation tracks, they are teaching tracks. Listen a few times a week or as often as you'd like. When you reach your birthing day, you'll have specific skills that work in the moment to help keep you focused and more comfortable. This holds true whether you birth unmedicated or whether you need or choose a Cesarean.
  • Confidence-building exercises
  • Evidence-based information to guide your decisions
  • A philosophy and a culture of pragmatic rather than toxic positivity
  • Containers for each phase of the process, so that students know how to express their needs and let their voices be heard.

We believe all births and all choices are valid. Whatever your experience is, you'll be cared about and supported. We've even added a special postpartum track to the HelloBirth program that focuses on your birth story.

We'll be with you every step of the way!
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